by Brandi Valentine

One of the most important skills one can have is proper communication. It's one thing to know what needs to be done and what services you need and its another thing to get your wants and wishes across. The last thing you want to do is alienate the very people you need to make your child's school experience a successful and positive one.

First, educate yourself.

Learn the laws.

Know what your rights are as well as the responsibilities of the school district.

Check out Special Education Rights and Responsibilities.

It is a 13 chapter manual that addresses every question imaginable for parents seeking special ed and section 504 rights and services for their children. At the end of each chapter you will find sample letters so you will know how to ask, in writing for services and hearings! Click here to check out this manual!

Next, learn how to communicate properly. For tips and ideas on how to effectively communicate with the school, The Special Ed Advocate has some very informative tips and ideas on how to write a letter. Here are some additional links with resources that should prove helpful:

• Excellent Information on Special Education Law and Parent Advocacy
• Questions Dealing with IEP's
•  Instant Access Treasure Chest. Too many resources to list. Check it out!
• Article on legal issues, adhd, and education.

While I realize that not all teachers and academic professionals are hard to deal with, or untrained in the areas of special education and attention deficit disorder, there are many parents who do have these types of people at their child's school. So here are some things that I have learned from my experiences. Two very important points are:

1. School districts tend to close ranks when there has been a serious error on their part. In the beginning, when I had a problem with the school, I used to follow the chain of command. Start with the teacher, then to the principal etc. Since then, I've learned that when there is a serious issue at hand, the principal protects the teacher, the superintendent protects the principal, the board protects the superintendent and so on down the line. Not wanting a "reputation," I followed the chain of command until I realized that it is not always the best path to take. I learned to stop taking it right away. I have been lied to by principals, had my concerns belittled by superintendents and "politely disregarded" by the school board of supervisors. While it is not appropriate in all instances, when necessary, I abandon the chain of command, particularly if I know there will be no support from them and go straight to county and state agencies.

2. Schools could care less about lawyers and lawsuits and unless there is potential for large sums of monies to be won for damages, lawyers could care less about you and your problems with the school district. School districts don't even flinch when you threaten them with legal action simply because the taxpayers pockets run deep and the cost incurred in legal battles does not concern the school, the principal or the district. Lawyers do not like taking these types of fights on in your behalf because once again, the school's pockets run deep and they have the ability to tie things up in the court system for years. So unless there is a possibility for large monetary amounts in the way of damages, lawyers will decline your request for them to take your case.

   Forget large entities such as your civil rights organizations. It didn't take long to for me to learn that your issue must impact an entire group or minority. Unless your suit would affect the way schools deal with disabled children or add/adhd children across the U.S., I was told that there would be no help for them to give.

So, what can a parent do? I have found that the following steps have helped me greatly. The thing to remember is that while you want to be aggressive and persistent, you want to do so in a polite manner. Schools/principals/districts tend to look at parents who actively seek services for their children as "combative, or problem parents."

I, for one, am not out to win any awards for most pleasant parent. After awhile, you get used to being known as "one of those parents" and not long after that, you begin to find a certain amount of pride in the fact that you are able to obtain the services your child needs or hold the school accountable for their actions.

Know Your Rights

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! I cannot stress this enough. I have been in many situations where school officials have given me inaccurate information. I believe that there are some school professionals who expect parents to accept whatever they are told in "blind faith". After all, "Who's the professional here?". I have dealt with more school personnel that DON'T know what my child is entitled to than you would believe and there are schools that DO NOT under any circumstance want to cut lose with any of that money to pay for the services your child needs. The ONLY way you are going to get past this is to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. So empower yourself. Do the research. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Meetings, phone calls, conversations with your child, your child's teacher, etc. Be prepared to explain the requests you've made, the interventions you've tried to take, the instructions you given your child's teacher in handling your child, etc.

I was once told that when an employee comes up for promotion or review, school district managers review the employee's file and that the ONLY way these supervisors find out that there is an employee who perhaps shouldn't be working with certain children, or has problem areas, is when they run across letters of complaint in the employee's file. I've also taken to filing formal complaints with the district and other agencies if applicable, such as the County Office of Special Education rather than turning to attorneys. Once you start the formal complaint process, each district has certain guidelines they must follow which include timelines and in some cases, a chance for the employee in question to respond to the complaint in writing which I was entitled to a copy of.

In my case, the employee hung herself in her written statement making my case stronger and a little bit easier for me to get my issues addressed. Plus, having it cross-filed with other agencies, left little room for the district to sweep the incident under the rug and also left the district answering to other entities besides myself. The district had to deal with the issue and the employee and the entire incident was documented in the employee's record.

The other thing I've learned is that with particularly hard-to-deal-with school districts, while they laugh at the mere mention of an attorney, they absolutely hate publicity and dealing with agencies outside their realm of control. This is where state and county offices, congressmen, city councilman, newspapers, etc., come in handy. Go here for some informative tips on advocating

Why Bother to File A Complaint?

Why bother to take the district on and put up with the frustration and headache that goes along with the process? Because in the long run, it makes a difference.

• It puts the school employees, the school, the district, and the board on notice that they had better mind their p's and q's.

• It creates a paper trail, a trail that will be on file and follow the employee wherever they go and that will be reviewed by their peers every time they come up for promotion or an employee evaluation. A trail that will be there when the next parent or child needs help. A paper trail that eventually is going to back the district into a corner. They will not be able to claim they didn't know, or they had no idea that there was a weak link in the chain and while it may not help your child today, it will help the children who come tomorrow.

Another thing is that above all things, the school system is geared to survive. They survive by protecting each other. They survive by limiting the amount of information they give to parents. They survive by being close knit and by telling parents only the things they need to know. The parent that advocates for their child is a threat to the way they have been dealing with children and parents and because they pose a threat, the school and the district has to pay closer attention to how they deal with you and your child. And last but not least, if we don't band together, join forces and tell our schools that the way they treat our children is unacceptable, it will never change.

I can't stress how important it is to take the time to file a complaint with the district if the situation warrants it and there is a policy or employee that needs to be looked at. Also, as my mother pointed out, the teachers and administration people certainly have no problem issuing citations, suspensions, and expulsions to our children for inappropriate behavior which become part of their records so why shouldn't we call them on theirs?

For tips and ideas on how to effectively communicate with the school, The Special Ed Advocate has some very informative tips and ideas on how to write a letter.

What are we? ADVOCATES OR TROUBLEMAKERS?

Now that statement varies depending entirely upon who you are speaking to at the time. When you are speaking to families we have helped: we are more than just advocates. We are someone who has been there and gone through it and survived. Someone who can relate to every ounce of energy it takes, just to make it through another day. Most definitely there are those who think we are trouble makers the minute we walk into a building. They believe we are there to find fault in the way they are teaching our children. I mean, after all, they are the professionals. If you define troublemakers as a person who advocates for a child who can not speak for him or herself, SO BE IT. When you find a child that needs to have his/her lessons read to them and you do something about it, and they call you a troublemaker, SO BE IT. The really odd part about all of this troublemaking business is; they should have already been doing those things in the first place. My friend, That is Advocacy. NOW WHO IS THE TROUBLEMAKER?

Brandi Valentine is the mother of an ADHD child, an advocate and used to run a popular ADHD website.

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Reviewed: 02/2006