Avoidant Personality Disorder and Self-Image

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Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder are preoccupied by the unpleasant and perplexing personal definition they hold of themselves as defective, unable to fit in with others, being unlikable, and being inadequate. This self-image usually results from childhood rejection by significant others such as parents, siblings, or peers. These individuals then believe that others throughout their lives will react to them in a similar fashion. They are often unable to recognize their own admirable qualities that make them both likable and desirable (Will, Retzlaff, ed., 1995, p. 97). Rather, they see themselves as socially inept and inferior. They believe that they are personally unappealing and interpersonally inadequate. They describe themselves as ill at ease, anxious, and sad. They are lonely; they feel unwanted and isolated. Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder are introspective and self-conscious. They usually refer to themselves with contempt (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 263).

For individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder, their deflated self-image references their entire being. Nothing about them escapes their own self-derision (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 264). Doubts about their social competence and personal appeal become especially severe in the presence of strangers (DSM-IV, 1994, p. 662).

View of Others

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder view the world as unfriendly, cold, and humiliating (Millon & Davis, 1996, p, 265). People are seen as potentially critical, uninterested, and demeaning (Beck, 1990, pp. 43-44); they will probably cause shame and embarrassment for individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder. As a result, people with Avoidant Personality Disorder experience social pananxiety and are awkward and uncomfortable with people (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 261). However, they are caught in an intense approach-avoidance conflict; they believe that close relationships would be rewarding but are so anxious around people that their only solace or comfort comes in avoiding most interpersonal contact (Donat, Retzlaff, ed., 1995, p. 49).

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder tend to respond to low-level criticism with intense hurt. To make matters worse, they become so socially apprehensive that neutral events may well be interpreted as evidence of disdain or ridicule by others (Donat, Retzlaff, ed., 1995, p. 49). They come to expect that attention from others will be degrading or rejecting. They assume that no matter what they say or do, others will find fault with them (DSM-IV, 1994, p. 662).

Even memories for individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder are comprised of intense, conflict-ridden, problematic early relationships. They must avoid the wounds inside of them at the same time they are avoiding the external distress of contact with others. The external environment brings no peace and comfort and their painful thoughts do not allow them to find solace within themselves (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 263-264).

Avoidant Personality Disorder and Relationships

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder are "lonely loners." They would like to be involved in relationships but cannot tolerate the feelings they get around other people. They feel unacceptable, incapable of being loved, and unable to change. Because they retreat from others in anticipation of rejection, they lead socially impoverished lives. They have immature and unrealistic expectations of relationships; they believe that they can have no imperfections if they are to be accepted and loved. Interpersonally, they are ill at ease, awkward and tense. They experience unremitting self-consciousness, self-contempt and anger toward others (Oldham, 1990, pp. 188-193).

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder will develop intimacy with people who are experienced as safe. Nevertheless, they will often engage in triangular marital or quasi-marital relationships which provide intimacy while maintaining interpersonal distance. These individuals like to foster secret liaisons as a "fall-back" position in case the key relationship does not work out (Benjamin, 1983, pp. 307-308). As sexual partners and parents, people with Avoidant Personality Disorder appear self-involved and uncaring (Kantor, 1992, p. 109) as they preserve distance from others through defensive restraint and withdrawal. Even so, these individuals long for affection and fantasize about idealized relationships (DSM-IV, 1994, p. 663).

Issues With Authority

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder are unlikely to provoke or resist authority. At least at a behavioral level, they are inclined to be compliant and cooperative. However, whether the authority figures are service providers or law enforcement officers, people with Avoidant Personality Disorder are not forthcoming and resist self-disclosure. Exposure means, for these individuals, ridicule, shame, and censure. They will not willingly give away the information that they believe will result in such painful experiences.

continue: Avoidant Personality Disorder Behavior

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Reviewed: 04/2006