Bullying - How Do We Protect Our Children?

by Susan Conners, M. Ed.
Education Specialist, TSA, Inc.

Why do Kids Bully other Kids?

It's been happening since the beginning of time. We endured it. Our parents tolerated it. And probably their parents before them experienced it, too. Nellie and Willie Olsen did it on Little House on the Prairie. Bullying is a timeless problem. Kids pick on kids. They do it for lots of reasons. It makes them feel more important and more popular. It makes them forget their own shortcomings and inadequacies. They do it out of fear of the unknown. They do it to get a laugh. They pick on the kid who is a little different, the kid who doesn't learn as fast, who doesn't wear the right clothes. They bully the boy who stutters or wears thick glasses, the girl who is too tall or too fat.

What Kind of Bullying Happens?

The worse part is that most teachers will tell you that they don't allow it in their class and that it simply does not happen. I taught for 33 years in a public middle school and I didn't see much of it under my nose either, but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. Most kids are smart enough to know not to pick on kids when the teacher or any adult is in close proximity, but signs of it are everywhere. It can be a look, a gesture, a quick glance across a classroom. This is the slow torturous type of bullying. It eats away at children's self-esteem and makes them feel like outcasts. It thrusts them into a state of depression. It generates school phobia and avoidance.

Bullying can be subtle, but it doesn't end there. Kids get pushed and shoved, they get tripped and poked and yes, even beaten up. They live in fear of being physically hurt. Verbal bullying can be just as devastating. They are called stupid, weird, retarded, psycho. Their days in school are agonizing. They are tormented by physical and verbal abuse. And finally they reach their limit and they retaliate which then gets them punished themselves.

Why Are Kids with Tourette Syndrome Easy Targets?

Kids with Tourette Syndrome are particularly vulnerable to this type of treatment. They have motor and vocal tics that very few people understand. They may be hyperactive and impulsive and exhibit what appears to be very odd behavior as a result of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They may be physically uncoordinated and socially awkward. They are prime targets of abuse by other students. Do we have a chance of ending this enduring problem that has gone on for generations? We probably won't end it, but there is much that can be done to protect our children from it, to empower them to stand up for themselves and diffuse the harassment. Schools can initiate programs that go to the heart of bullying and help kids understand how hurtful it can be.

Why are Parents the Last to Find Out?

Parents often are unaware of the bullying that their child has had to endure. Kids don't usually tell their parents in order to protect them from the hurt. They are embarrassed by their inability to defend themselves. They don't tell teachers because they're afraid that they won't be believed and that the abuse will get worse when other students find out that they "tattled". They simply yield to it with long lasting, devastating effects that will complicate their lives as long as they live. Some kids even admit to having suicidal thoughts because they don't see any other way out.

Is It Getting Worse?

I think that we need only to read the newspaper or listen to the nightly news to get the answer to that question. Kids are being driven to acts of violence against their fellow students and their teachers after years of teasing and bullying. Other students will then readily admit that this was a kid who was different, who was picked on for whatever reason. Teachers will describe this student as someone who was a loner, who had no friends. Yes, it is possible that these kids had emotional and often psychiatric problems, but yes, they were also bullied. And what are schools doing to identify and help these kids? Does it always have to be too little, too late? If teachers are really paying attention, it's very evident which students are in trouble socially.

continue: What Can We Do?

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Reviewed: 03/2006